The return to school after the summer break can bring mixed emotions. For some children and young people, it is an exciting time filled with anticipation and new opportunities. For others, the thought of returning can bring a level of anxiety and distress that feels difficult to manage.
For parents and carers, seeing your child struggle with school can be incredibly difficult too. You may find yourself worrying about what is happening, feeling unsure about what to do next, or wondering how best to support your child. There can be frustration, guilt and a sense of helplessness when your child wants to attend but seems unable to manage the demands of school. It’s equally distressing when they refuse to go into the school building or even leave your home. These are real challenges faced by many.
For some children and young people, these difficulties are described as Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA). This is not a diagnosis, but a term used to describe difficulties attending school where emotional factors, such as anxiety, stress or feeling overwhelmed, play a significant part.
There is rarely one simple reason why a child or young person begins to struggle with school attendance. It can be a combination of things, including changes in routine, friendships and relationships, academic pressures, social expectations, sensory experiences, difficulties with transitions or feeling that the demands of school have become too much.
It is important to remember that what can look like avoidance from the outside may feel very different to the child experiencing it. A child or young person may genuinely want to go to school however, find that their anxiety or distress becomes so overwhelming that attending feels impossible as they enter into a flight, fight or freeze response, which is outside of their control. Understanding what sits underneath their behaviours is an important first step.
For some children and young people, being neurodivergent can be an important part of understanding their experience of school. Neurodiversity recognises that people naturally differ in the way they think, process information, communicate, experience their surroundings and regulate their emotions.
A busy classroom, changes to routine, sensory experiences, social expectations or uncertainty can be particularly demanding for some neurodivergent children and young people. This does not mean that neurodivergence causes EBSA, but these experiences may contribute to a child feeling overwhelmed or unable to cope with the demands being placed upon them.
Every child is different. What feels manageable for one child may feel extremely challenging for another. Taking the time to understand an individual child’s experience, rather than simply focusing on their attendance or behaviour, can help us to better understand what they may be communicating through their difficulties.
When a child is struggling with school, the impact can extend beyond the child themselves. Family life can become stressful, particularly when mornings are difficult, routines become disrupted and parents are trying to balance supporting their child or young person with the expectations placed upon them.
There may be tears, arguments, sleepless nights and difficult conversations. Parents can find themselves questioning whether they are doing the right thing, while children may feel frightened, frustrated, ashamed or worried about letting the people around them down. These experiences can leave everyone feeling exhausted.
Schools are trying to ensure that their attendance figures are good and have limited support/SEN staff available, however it is important that the issues the young person or child are experiencing are discussed with the school and some agreed strategies are put in place to support them. These will need to be monitored and regularly reviewed and updated as required.
At Stop Breathe Think, our counsellors understand that behind the difficulties there is a child or young person who is feeling distress and is struggling. Our service provides a safe, confidential and non-judgemental space, where children and young people can talk about what they are experiencing at their own pace. We take the time to listen and understand, without judgement or assumptions.
Through counselling, we can support children and young people to make sense of their feelings, develop greater awareness of their emotions and explore ways of managing anxiety, distress and the challenges they may be experiencing.
While our therapeutic work is with the child or young person, we understand the importance of recognising the wider emotional impact that these difficulties can have. Our priority is to provide the child/young person with a consistent and supportive space where they feel listened to, understood and accepted.
Sometimes, simply having a safe space to talk and begin to understand what they are experiencing can be an important first step towards feeling more able to manage the challenges they face.
